Sometimes you have to do what's right
by speckleification
Summary: Gwaine/oc  We know of Gwaine the Knight, Gwaine the drinker and Gwaine the talker but what of Gwaine the love of some ones' life?
1. Chapter 1

**Why hello there, I hope you enjoy this, personally I don't think Gwaine gets enough love so I thought i'd post a little something of my own creation**

**Don't own, **

**Don't sue, **

**thank you :)**

We know of Gwaine the Knight, Gwaine the drinker and Gwaine the talker but what of Gwaine the love of some ones' life.

It had been nearly six years since I've worn the fine dresses, drank the expensive wines and sat quietly beside the tyrant that had ruled my existence with a steal knife but those days are passed and I am free.

Mud trails around the edges of my frayed trousers and my off white tunic has many a stain but I care not, my honey coloured hair is tied back tightly and is slightly greasy and my once porcelain skin has a healthy glow to it from long days in the warmth of the sun. I myself have never felt better.

I travel the roads and paths, simply because I can. In the dark nights there's a small tendril of fear, that one day, he may claim me again and drag me back into the darkness from whence I came. It's these fleeting moments that cause my restlessness now, I have stayed to long in a small village and I'm becoming known.

The villagers are greeting me by name, a name that is not my own but a name still, a smile of recognition with it; this is my queue to leave. To pass on to some other nameless place, becoming part of the background once more.

It was nearly nightfall before I had made significant headway on my journey and although I was sure of the area I was not fool hardy enough to carry on after darkness had fallen. I choose a small nook beside a tree stump and sat my pack down. After recovering the blanket from within I curled myself up in its folds and let sleep overtake my thoughts. It didn't take long for the nightmares to come and I fought the demons in my mind for nearly an hour before I awoke with a sharp cry. The sound echoed eerily through the empty forest. I waited on bated breath, silently praying to whatever deity was listening that no one had heard. A few minutes passed and nothing changed so I let out the breath I had not known I was holding and tried to relax again, knowing that sleep would now evade me I could still gain sufficient rest before I began again at daybreak.

It was only minutes after sun up that I set off again, my breath rising slightly in front of my face as I walked on. If my calculations were correct by midday I would have reached the village of Gilead. That was to be my next stop. The sun held little warmth that morning and despite my forced march I stopped to dig out my woollen hat and buried my head inside its warm depths, it had been a present from a friend in Ealdor, I had stopped there only briefly but long enough to know that I shouldn't have lingered. Hunith, her name was. She was what I had always envisaged a mother to be and it had hurt to part from her but it had been necessary for alls sake.

The town was of medium size, nothing special to the eye. The houses clustered close together, children playing outside. Women hurrying about their chores and men ogling them as they did so. A deep sigh escaped my mouth and a chill racked my limbs. Winter was fast approaching and I would have to find an agreeable town before it truly set in. Gilead did not hold much hope of this but nevertheless I was here and I could do with a hot meal and a bed for the night at the least. I set forth for the Tavern; I had enough gold to keep me in some small comfort here.

It was hot and noisy inside the tavern, men grunting loudly to themselves over their beer and women tending to them. Perfect, the more action, the easier is it to slip through the net. I stepped slowly through the throng with my eyes on my destination, the bar. I was within fingers breadth of it when a large elbow bowled into me and I fell sideways into another man. I weighed barely anything in comparison to the man but all the same he roared in outrage. I scrambled quickly to my feet, apologising profusely, I knew better then to mention I was pushed. He leered down at me, his bug eyes wide in rage, demanding at the top of his lungs that I had robbed him of his drink. Which of course I hadn't. The stench of his breath made me recoil, it was enough to make me feel a little drunk myself. He had continued bellowing at me all this while but to what I was somewhat oblivious, so I offered to compensate him for the loss of drink and ordered him a tankard from the barmaid who was watching the scrimmage as if this was the highlight of her entire dreary lifetime. She scurried off quick enough and on her return I chucked her some coins, not caring if I overpaid. The man was not entirely happy but it was enough to quell his anger for the time being. I ordered myself a small drink and bartered a small room for the night too. I would have to share the room with others but it was a bed. I had my short sword in my pack if anyone where to give me any bother. The company in the tavern was tedious and it was yet to reach its peak so I set out to find somewhere quiet outside to enjoy the clear nights sky. I had not been settled long when three gentlemen arrived into town, they were clearly outsiders and held no real knowledge of the layout of the town. They had not spied me from my vantage point and I chuckled quietly to myself. The gentlemen were exchanging arguments as to which way they should travel through the town to find the inn. Two of the gentlemen, both bearing dark hair though it was difficult to tell much else in the fading light seemed to be teasing the blonde. The speech and diction of the blonde told me a different story; he was well spoken and arrogant. A noble at least. On closer inspection their horses were of fine sturdy build and their tack of the highest quality, they weren't just nobles. Tack of that standard such as the blonde's steed would only suggest royalty. The blonde decided the way they were heading and simply set off.

"You're going the wrong way," I mentioned in an offhand manner. His head whipped around, trying to source the voice.

"Who said that? Show yourself," the two dark haired lads laughed and I winked at them from my vantage point. They could clearly see my small form nestled amongst the hay bales but the other could not.

"I said it" and again his head whipped around. Searching. Deciding enough was enough I clambered down slowly. "I said it." I declared brushing myself down. "You're going the wrong way. If you want to find the Inn, take a left and you'll find it on the end there and next time take counsel from your subjects first, before you plough into a decision head first, save us all the trouble, Your Majesty." His mouth dropped open in shock and the two dark haired lads too, looked shocked. Of course they couldn't work out how I knew they were nobility. "And don't bother giving me the speech about how I can talk to you like this, this isn't your kingdom and Cenrid's not a fan of, well, anyone so you hold no law over me. Now if you'll excuse me, I have things to do other then guiding lost block headed princes around."

"I like this one!" Roared one of the dark haired lads. "Come, we'll buy you a drink"

"No, thanks, " I said inclining my head. "You need not buy my silence; I shall keep your secret. You have my word."

"How do we know we can trust you?"

"That's just it. You don't" I answered and walked back towards the Inn, leaving them all dumbfounded.

It was dark outside before they made their way into the inn, and in the dim light I could make out their features much better. The blonde was tall and he was certainly of noble blood with a finely featured face and a well-built frame. Next came a gentlemen of the nearly the same height, he was slighter, his hair longer then the others and with facial hair but it was rather fetching. He was quick and seemed to be talking rather a lot much to the annoyance of the blonde. Lastly came the slightest of the three, his short dark hair was almost black and he had a slight stoop. His demeanour suggested that he was not that of noble birth and he seemed slightly awkward in himself. They certainly were an interesting trio. I watched them further from my corner seat and toyed with the empty flagon that sat in front of me, it had long since been empty but it was something to do. The intricacy with which it had been made captivated me for a few moments before my thoughts were interrupted when the awkward lad sat down next to me. I looked up, querying his intrusion. He didn't apologise nor even answer my question but gushed about how I had cheeked the Arthur. Apparently the man was still fuming about it, especially as I was a mere boy, I did not bother to correct him. I commented on how petty it was that he was still angry and we bantered for a good few minutes, he was very likeable. His name was Merlin and he was the manservant of Arthur, the other companion was a man named Gwaine. Gwaine was of noble birth but not a knight. He struggled with the idea of his nobility and chose to drink his life away in whatever tavern he came across. Merlin told me of Gwaine with a touch of sadness in his voice. It was then that he begged me not to tell of their presence. Which of course I told him, I would never do, I had given my word.

"Yes, but you see Arthur doesn't really trust that because well, how can I put this, you're just very young, and well, your word doesn't always mean the same, when you're, well, young"

"Merlin, truthfully, answer me this, how old do you think I am? I shall not be offended I am just curious"

"Well… err…"

"Honestly, I won't bite" I said laughing

"Well Arthur thought maybe fourte- fifteen?" He squinted sideways as if expecting to be hit, and was shocked as I laughed at him.

"I suppose I should be offended but I wont hold it against you Merlin, but you are wrong, very wrong"

"Oh- well, how old are you then? It's just with your hat and you're so small, you just well look a lot, you know" A small blush on his cheeks, for some reason.

"Never you mind, it's rude to ask someone their age anyway" I answered sticking my tongue out at him, it was childish, yes but he roared with laughter and I laughed along with him.

We changed the subject and were laughing about his adventures when a brawl broke out at the bar and drew both our attention. Gwaine and Arthur had had the displeasure of meeting the gentlemen I had had an altercation with earlier. Casper was his name, the local blacksmith. He was a solid man; easily triple the breadth of Gwaine and a good foot taller. Gwaine was easily besting him but Casper soon had the locals on his side and even Gwaine had to think twice. I chose this moment to interact, slipping through the main throng, I stood to the edge of the Casper and handed him another pint, claiming to help him ready to fight, but I then feigned to trip and instead cut the twine that held his trousers up as he lurched forward seeking to break Gwaines neck. He stumbled forward and fell flat to the ground, passed out drunk. I just smiled to myself and turned and left the throng and headed toward my assigned room, chuckling to myself. I knew I shouldn't have interfered but it was worth it for the look on his face as he plummeted to the ground.

The room was dank and dingy, three small beds cramped into a small room, no lock on the door and a small dark window in one corner but I suppose it was better then the forest floor and I had paid for it, I might as well experience it.

I didn't have to wait long for the other occupants to join and it was with slight shock the door opened to find the three travellers standing outside.

"Oh good gracious, are we ever going to be rid of you?" Commented Arthur

"Well hello to you too" I muttered under my breath. Gwaine and Merlin shared a look of amusement; Arthur quickly settled into the bed furthest from the door and turned his back on us. Gwaine took the remaining bed and Merlin set about laying blankets on the floor. "Here" I said gesturing to the bed, "I'm leaving at first light, it'll be easier this way, then I wont have to wake anyone up when I leave, unless you snore and then I will most certainly kick your ass when I leave" I stated with a laugh, Gwaine snorted loudly and then burst out laughing too. He reached over from his bed and ruffled the top of my woolly hat. I scowled playfully at him and laughed again. Merlin checked four more times before ascertaining that the bed really was his, I laid my pack down as a pillow and using the blanket from my pack curled into a ball and closed my eyes.

Dawn broke cold and silent, the floor had done nothing for my aching muscles but Merlin looked extremely cosy, despite the fact that his feet were nearly hanging off the end of the bed. I folded the blanket quietly and stowed it back in my pack, I took one long last look around the room and at the three men in it before I turned and slowly opened the door "Psst. Kid. You know, I never did catch your name." I withdrew my head quickly from the corridor to see Gwaine awake and sitting up. "I never gave it." I said with a smile. "So where you heading next?" I shrugged, I hadn't really planned that part and I couldn't stick around after last night's antics. "Well, if you're ever in the Camelot area, come see us, I'll even buy you a drink or two, a thanks you could say, after last night" He seemed genuine enough, so maybe I could take him up on his offer. "Well I figured I'd head west next any way, so I guess I could drag myself from away from my pressing schedule and stop off there." I grinned at him. My heart fluttered a little and I blushed slightly. He winked and then turned over and lay down. I shut the door quietly and leaned my head against the wall. I couldn't afford to get attached, I just couldn't.

I exited the Inn quietly, taking care with the heavy wooden door. The morning was still fresh, the sun barely creeping into view on the clear horizon. Taking a deep breath I headed out towards the edge of town, setting myself a steady but purposeful pace. As I passed the edge of town I noticed I was not the only one awake. Casper and his friends from the brawl were lurking around. Mumbling amongst themselves. I kept my eyes down, focusing on my path. "My, my, that was a quick stop, wasn't it lads" his companions roared in answer. This was not good. I quickened my step ever so slightly. Grasping the hilt of my short sword in one hand, it had been too long and I was rusty, I had not kept up my practise and I now was to fall foul of it. "Where you off to in such a hurry?" They began closing ranks around me and I could only but halt "Any one would think you'd been up to something, aye? What say you to that lads?" They again roared, I couldn't make out if they were louder then the blood pounding in my ears. "Not so brave now are you" They were now circling me slowly, I tried to calm my breathing and remember my training but it was slipping from me, as fear took over. I slashed out in desperation and ran for my life.

I didn't get far before I encountered them again, they were cleverer then I had given them credit for. They also knew the land better then me and it wasn't long before I was once again outwitted. They overwhelmed me by sheer numbers and it wasn't long before I was left bloodied and bruised on the path. They took my pack with them and my coin purse. I was badly hurt, my vision swam from the large cut on my forehead and each breath was like another knife to the side. My left arm was lying in an awkward angle, I could not move my fingers and a cut to my right calf meant I was not going anywhere fast. I allowed a few tears to escape and again I prayed to a deity I didn't believe in that I would pass swiftly into the abyss and not endure.

It was several hours after my departure that Arthur and his companions were ready to leave. Gwaine had a bad feeling in his gut, Arthur and Merlin commented that it was probably all the ale he had drunk but in their hearts they knew that wasn't it but they were at too much unease to voice it. On leaving the village Casper and his friends were too busy rummaging in a familiar pack and laughing heartily to themselves to disturb the three and this did nothing to ease their worries.

I desperately wanted to cough, my throat rasped and my body convulsed as I fought the urge with every fibre of my being. Every breath shot arrows into every pore of me, burning searing pain coursed through my left arm as it flopped uselessly beside me. Small spots of black were beginning to appear in my vision as I fought against my urges. How long I had been fighting this urge was a mystery I couldn't move my head from its position, I could only see part of the track and the floor from where I lay contorted. A sudden cough caught me off guard and I cried out in pain, my ribcage engulfed in a blazing inferno and it spread through my veins, carrying with it such pain that even more large black spots appeared suddenly and my vision swam, the ground beneath me began to shake, thunder seemed to roll overhead and I could hear angels calling out to me, telling me that it was going to be alright and I believed them and I let go.

I felt I was floating, rocking back and forth ever so gently. Whistling slightly in my ears told me I was travelling but my mind was too hazy to work out anything more. Angels talked above me, whispering of nothing but it was a comfort to hear their voices and I smiled up at them. Gradually the rocking motioned stopped and the angels voice changed, deepening and lightening, moulding into other sounds altogether. The angels let me drink from a cup; I could feel the cool liquid quench some of the fire that had once scorched through my being. It settled heavily in my gut, pulling me further away from the angels voice, I didn't want to go, they couldn't make me, no! I wanted to se my mother, she would be there, she would take me hand as I has always dreamed and lead me toward happiness. The heaviness was spreading through my limbs, tearing me away from the dim light above, and began to settle deep in my chest, I pushed hard against it and it halted but refused to withdraw, I pushed and pushed with every fibre I could muster and it began to slowly recede. So I pushed even harder still and it began to retreat faster and faster till it was nearly gone, with one final effort it disappeared and I was even closer to the light I shouted out to my mother to find me but the words caught heavily in my singed throat and I coughed and spluttered heavily, my gut wrenching so hard that I hurled my upper body forward in hope of easing it.

It was then that my eyes opened; blearily I looked out into the light, blinking, gasping for air, my head spinning heavily. A pair of hands grasped at my shoulders and gently laid me down onto something soft. I still struggled to draw breath but my head began to clear and I could see straighter. An older man stood above me, holding my hand in his own, stroking it softly "hush now, nice deep breaths" I took his advice and gradually the tightness in my chest lessened and although I could not draw breath without pain it was not as debilitating as it had been. "You gave us all quite a scare, it was touch and go for a while but I think you'll be alright now" He smiled down at me nodding as he did so.

It was a few days before I was able to breath properly again, Giaus the elderly man had had the tasking job of healing me when Gwaine had brought my dying form to him nearly a fortnight ago, both Arthur and Merlin has come dashing in moments later. All three were regular visitors during my incapacity. They were heavily relieved to see me alive although Arthur tried not to show it.

"How come you were dressed as a boy?" Merlin has asked one day, all four of us were talking together although Arthur was not too keen. "I mean you had me and Arthur completely fooled" Arthur made to protest but Gwaine shut him up quickly.

"Well you assumed and I just never bothered to correct you" I said with shrug and winced when it tightened my chest. "You on the other hand saw through it didn't you, but what I was wondering was how or when even? What gave me away?" I questioned Gwaine

"When you tripped, your hat shifted, and I saw your hair, that and your eyes and no facial hair was kind of a give away" I blushed slightly at this.

"We never did get that name" Gwaine smiled slightly looking straight into my eyes, his stare was so powerful that I couldn't hold it for long. I bit my lip, should I tell them and risk being sent back or lie and know that I had lied to the people who had saved my life. I took a deep breath; I had made my decision for better or for worse.

"My name is…" I took another deep breath, did I really want to do this, really. Spill it all out, right here, right now. "My name-"

"-Goodness! You're all still here, be gone with you, the poor girl needs rest, I'm sorry sire but she really does need rest, look she's gone all pale again, Merlin I leave you in charge of her for less then an hour and I come back to find her on deaths door, I ask you." Giaus stood over her; arms folded and stared at the three who quickly took heed and exited hastily. I couldn't face it anymore and burst into tears. "Now, now, it can't be that bad, come on, you're just tired, you need rest"

"Oh Giaus how can I tell them? They'll send me back they'll have too and I couldn't bear it but I don't want to lie to them" he shushed me gently and sat beside my cot

"It is a tough situation I know but they are all good men, they have hearts, I do not think they would be so quick as to send you back without hearing you out. Never mind, for now, sleep on it, things will be better in the morning."

"So I should tell them?"

"Sleep, or I'll make you take some more medicine" We shared a smile and I lay back down to sleep.

Gwaine sat opposite me, his eyes bore straight into me and I did all I could to avoid his gaze, Gwen had helped me into a simple dress and with the assistance of Giaus too I had been placed in a chair, Giaus stood to my left, just in case. Merlin sat slightly to my right and we were waiting on Arthur before I could proceed. When he arrived he was twitchy and on edge, he refused to sit instead he paced behind the chairs. I started by asking that they did interrupt until I had finished and by explaining that this was hard for me, I had only told one other living soul, Giaus, and he had guessed ninety percent. "My name is Emmelenna. My Father is… is… a cruel and loathsome man. They say that he was a kind man but with a quick temper but my mother died during my birth and he has hated my existence because of it. I was never allowed outside, my room consisted of a chamber pot and a bed. I have never been taught to read or write, I was a puppet of my father's device. I was only brought out for special ceremonies or to show off. If I misbehaved I was whipped until I passed out. I have never had a true friend. I spent my days living off scraps, chained to a wall. My cell had no window, there was no light save for the single candle I was

given at night. My father held no love for me. Ever. The only people I ever came into contact with where my jailers. Two men, Elthor and Jack. I have spent my life in a cage, please, please do not send me back…" I looked up at the three with tears in my eyes. Begging them silently.

"I know of your father… he… is a cruel tyrant, I never knew he had any children. But I will never let you back there, no one deserves that kind of treatment, not an innocent child, not even my wildest enemies would I think to treat that way" Gwaine stood up as he spoke. I looked to Merlin next who shrugged and grinned "seems easy to me, besides Gwen's been lonely lately, you could stay with her" and finally to Arthur, his head was down and he looked deep in thought. "It puts us in a difficult position, your father is very powerful, his forces could easily crush Camelot."

"Arthur you can't send her back th-" He held up his hand to silence Gwaines outburst.

"But providing he never finds out, I suppose we could make some room for you here, so long as you promise to not be annoying, I've got my hands full with these two, I don't need any more nuisances running around" He half smiled and made his excuses and left.

"So, when are you going to buy me those drinks then Gwaine?" I asked with raised eyebrow

"Oh no, I'm just a lowly knight, I can't be seen to be getting royalty drunk now can I"

"You wish, I could out drink you any day!"

"Oh yeah? Well we'll see about that then wont we, Princess" He bowed extravagantly, winking and left the room laughing when I couldn't chase after him.

Merlin just laughed and helped me up and back into the cot. It was good to be safe, for now.


	2. Chapter 2

**Howdy, this one's a little sucky but I wanted to get it out there ASAP as I'm going to be pretty busy for a few days, thank you so much to those who have added me to your watch list and thank you to Prettydawn for favouriting :)**

**It's a wee bit on the small side but I hope you like, any criticism is appreciated providing it's constructive**

** Don't Own, Don't Sue, Thank you :):)**

It was difficult to adjust to a simple life, fighting the urge to run when things became familiar, but we had a plan, I was to carry on my uncomplicated life and become a seamstress, I could choose any name I wanted. I chose Emma; it was close enough to my real name. Gwaine and Merlin the 'troublesome two' and had taken to calling me 'Emmzy' especially when they needed a favour.

"Emmmmmmmmzy!" Oh great, here comes Gwaine, no doubt needing another tunic sewn up or some more money for his tavern bill, Arthur had recently made him one of his knights and so unfortunately for me, it meant he was around a lot more often. "Emmmmmmm are you there?" I sighed heavily, but I enjoy his company really. A heavy knock comes on the door now.

"I'm not here," I said trying to keep all hints of laughter from my voice

"Oh really, if you're not there then why are you answering?" I blew a loud raspberry at him through the door, he really was impossible sometimes. He then came waltzing in and lay down on my bed. I crossed my arms and huffed at him. "What?" I asked trying to fume at him. He just grinned at me. "What?" I asked again, trying to keep a straight, almost angry face. He continued to grin, laughing almost to himself. "Ugh, you insufferable man, off, off my bed immediately and either spill your mouth or get!" I tried to scold him but he just lay their grinning wildly. I turned my back on him and made to leave the room, still trying to fain that I was cross with him.

"Now, now, you wouldn't run out on your favourite knight would you" I turned to see him sitting up now, one of those excruciatingly nice eyebrows raised in mocking. I raised my own eyebrows in expectation of answer. "Well no I wouldn't but I don't see Lancelot around here, do you?" I answered playfully, he feigned hurt but I pushed him playfully and sat down next to him. He put his arm over my shoulder, this was quite a common occurrence but it still made my skin tingle and the proximity of our bodies, the heat of it all still had an effect on me no matter how many times it happened. "Now you know there's that big ball dinner social thing coming up" I could see where this was going he had most likely torn his tunic and needed it repairing and had only left it till the last minute to ask. "Let me guess, you tore your tunic AGAIN and need it repairing" He grinned sheepishly "Alright, where is it, which one and when do you need it by? And you still owe me for the last four ones I did"

"It's the white one, and it's currently in my chambers and well I need it for… tonight?" He squinted and he was right too as I slapped him across the back of his head and swore at him. I sighed in defeat there really was no teaching this man "Alright, this is the last time, go get it and bring it here and I'll have to ready for you in a couple of hours"

"Ah, Emmy you're the best, you know that" He said scuffing up my hair and squeezing me tightly in a one armed hug before heading to the door.

"Honestly, I feel like your mother sometimes!"

His head popped back inside the door frame "Now that would be really creepy… really, really… wrong" he shuddered then grinned and was on his way. That man was something else entirely but I still buzzed from his hug and grinned to myself like the fool I was.

His shredded tunic reappeared about twenty minutes later and it took nearly an hour to have it fully repaired, I hate to think what he did to his clothes to get them in such a state.

I shook it out, glancing it over, I had done a good job, even if I said so myself. Smiling to myself I took in a final whiff of it, it smelled just like Gwaine, of hard work and ale and summer breeze. It smelt of heaven, making my head feel light and giddy like a young maiden with a crush. Running footsteps in the corridor brought me swiftly to my senses and Gwaine burst through my door at speed. He was laughing his head off and completely without a shirt. I couldn't help but stare, his bare chest was well defined with a light covering of that deep chocolate hair that adorned his head, it covered the upper part of his torso and then a small trail lead down his abdomen to the line of his trousers, I gulped audibly. My cheeks rosy red and blood pulsed in my ears, sure I had seen men without shirts before but Gwaine was… well…

He didn't seem to notice my staring and just grabbed his shirt from me tossing it on, covering up the object of my blatant curiosity. "Cheers darling" He said with a wink and turned and stalked out again, still oblivious to my gaping mouth. I couldn't seem to get my brain to function. The image of such perfection still burned into my mind, I closed my eyes trying to remember every pore of perfection that had so flawlessly stood just moments ago before me.

Gwen found me still in such a state nearly a full ten minutes after Gwaine had departed; I confessed to her ashamedly that I was unmistakably head over heels for Gwaine. She found it all comical and I almost took offence to such lightness of the matter, but as she explained it was plain for her to see, and for others too except ourselves, we were fools, fools that were made for each other. Like her and Arthur, she too thought that it was fate, our meeting and our lives now, and finalised that it would only be foolish if I didn't act upon it, no matter how scared I may be, if it was meant to be, nothing could stop us.

It was just over a week later before I saw Gwaine again, I had been avoiding him, trying to keep myself out of reach of temptation and to save myself the blushes and speechless moments.

Lately my work had been a little sloppy and I had been behind on many pieces so people were not happy, I had worked through the previous night to get things done for disgruntled people and now having delivered all my pieces I wanted nothing more then to curl up in bed, cry a little for the last customer had shouted rudely at me and I had banged my knee, neither were anything serious but I was tired and over emotional. It did not help to come in and find Gwaine sat on my bed looking bored.

"Gwaine! What are you doing here? Get out! You can't just march into my room unannounced and mess up my things when I'm not here" Gwaine looked taken aback, I had never shouted at him and only raised my voice when we were messing around. "It's rude, and not to mention, what people are saying, I'm just a seamstress Gwaine, it's not right" I could feel the tears brimming, ready to fall so I kept my gaze down at the floor. I hazarded a look up at him and he looked pale, as if I had slapped him. "Em, but you're not just a seamstress, you're my best girl, who's a friend, no that didn't come out right, Em, you're like, God, I don't know how to say these kind of things," He looked skyward, his lips fumbling over unsaid words "just you're the best Em, I just wanted to say that, that's all I wanted" and he hurried out the door, brushing past my shoulder as he left with such force that it was all the tears needed to flow. I threw my bag at the door with such force it slammed shut and I collapsed on my bed sobbing.

I must have fallen asleep like that for when I awoke it was just after dawn, the red sun was streaming in through my small window. It truly was a breath taking sight but I couldn't see past, I could only see my misery like a veil over all that was good in the world.


	3. Chapter 3

**Don't own Don't Sue Thank you :):)**

**Not the greatest chapter again, but something came up and I had a spare half hour so I thought i'd get it out to you guys, enjoy :)**

**Big thank you to everyone who has favourited and story alerted they make me smile even if I do get the emails at 3am it still makes me happy so E-cookies to you all :D**

It took me nearly a week to get myself out of the misery that had settled within. Gwen and Merlin tried dearly to bring me out of myself but they were not the one's I needed. The one I really needed, the one I really sort, was avoiding me, at all costs. He was bordering on rude sometimes too. If we were going the same way down a passage he would abruptly change direction or turn around and walk off if he saw me near him. He wouldn't speak to me, wouldn't look at me and it was burning me up inside not to be near him. All I wanted was to apologise till my heart bled dry and have him put his arm around me or even so much as grin would settle my ragged beating heart. But it was not to be so.

I made attempts to speak to him during training but Sir Leon was set as his bodyguard and would not allow me anywhere near him. Any fool could see that this was affecting him as much as me. He was short tempered and quiet with the men. Taking to long periods of reflection and locking himself in his chambers. He shunned any form of company including Merlin.

Eventually I began to bring myself out of my shell and back into life, it wasn't easy and every time I had but a glimpse of a crimson cape or a tousled mess of chocolate rich curls it made my heart plummet to my boots and wring itself dry in hurt.

I was returning from my evening delivery rounds when Merlin asked to see me in Gwen's house that evening, it wasn't a strange request, often we had all frequented to Gwen's for dinner and laughter. So when evening dawned I made my way down through the streets of Camelot, I kept my eyes on my path and breathed deeply in the soft air. It was a cool night but refreshing after nearly a day spent cooped up indoors. I knocked lightly and entered without waiting for an answer. Merlin and Gwen were sat at her table, looking very guilty. I questioned the tense air and tried to laugh it off. They bade I sat down and so I took my normal seat, still trying to ascertain the atmosphere.

"We just want to talk to you," said Gwen looking almost pleadingly at me. She glanced at Merlin hesitantly then continued "about Gwaine." Immediately I stiffened in my seat, looking down. It was still somewhat painful to hear his name. Gwen gently explained how desperate she was to see both of us happy but we were killing each other with the separation. "If you'd just forgive him, talk to him, he's so unhappy without you. I've never seen him so torn up over… well… anything. Please say you'll talk to him" This comment made me laugh out loud, Gwen and Merlin looked at me as if I was mad and perhaps they would need to be even more worried for my mental state. "Talk to him?" I almost shouted, trying to keep my voice normal but failed epically "He refuses to see me! I have had been banned from the training grounds for want of seeing him" Tears brimmed in my eyes as all the previous days when he had shunned me flashed before my eyes. "He won't even look at me, I'm not allowed near him and you want me to talk to him! I don't even know what I have done to offend him so much, he stormed out on me after telling me I was 'the best'" A tear managed to streak down my face and was closely followed. "I don't know what I've done to make him hate me so much" I sobbed and that was it, the floodgates were open and I could do nothing to quell the flow.

It was nearly three days later before I saw either Merlin or Gwen again, I had for all purposes been avoiding everyone. Although I felt less emotionally charged I still do not feel any better. So I was surprised when Gwen invited me to join her for dinner. I knocked lightly as usual and entered swiftly, my teeth chattering slightly from the cold of the evening. As soon as I entered a commotion began in earnest. The second I was in the door Gwen shut and bolted the door, whilst Merlin restrained as well as he could a loud Gwaine, who protested greatly at my presence, demanding that he had been brought there under false pretenses. Gradually Gwaine quietened and stood sulkily in the corner looking everywhere but in my direction. I'm sure if he wanted he could have easily overpowered Merlin but they had been right, he looked terrible. Deep dark bags lay under his eyes, his hair was unkempt and he had grown a nearly full beard which did not suit him at all, his tunic was torn and dirty and his boots in a dire state of repair. It was like he had given up on the world, given up caring, for what did it matter to him anymore. It was such a distressing sight but I couldn't take my eyes off his haunted figure.

Gwen and Merlin quickly made their excuses and left leaving the two of us alone. I sat quietly at the table, keeping my eyes on the knot of wood in front of me, I wanted badly to speak out, to comfort him, to ease the troubles of the world that he so greatly carried on his shoulders but I couldn't even imagine where to start. I felt less then an inch tall before this great man, he was there still, so regal, so perfect. What could I ever hope to give such a man? He was loyal and brave, fiercely passionate and true. I, I have lied and cheated, stolen and begged and squandered my life away seeking only things for myself.

Nearly an hour had passed without so much as a syllable passing between us. It was getting cold and I had not eaten, Gwen had left out implements to make a hot drink so gathering my courage I began making drinks for the two of us. Setting the cups out I waited patiently for the water to boil and kept my temptation to look up at bay. Turning to the fire I found the water nearly ready and grabbing the cloth I took it away from the fire and over to the table. I poured one cup and was beginning to pour the second when the pot slipped from my grasp and boiling water fell freely onto the table and my waiting hand. I gasped aloud, tears filling my eyes as I clutched my burning hand to my chest, cursing my stupid ness. It burned with full intensity and a few tears escaped my closed lids. I clutched it again and waved it in the cool air hoping to find a reprieve but none came. I opened my eyes again, tears brimming, trying to find something cool in which to place my hand and was surprised to find Gwaine standing in front of me, reaching for my hand. "It's fine." I said sorely trying to hide the pain in my face.

"If it's fine then why are you crying?" He seemed to find my stubbornness funny

"You think it's funny do you?" I exclaimed rounding on him still clutching my burning hand.

"You should put it in cold water to take away the sting" He stated simply with a shrug

"So oh, suddenly you're a healer are you?" I wasn't sure if it was the pain in my hand or the pent up emotions but I couldn't hold my tongue "Funny, because you don't look like one! You look just like a good for nothing knight who's used to having a servant

Run around after him," Gwaines eyes darkened and his jaw clenched but even this was not enough to stop my thoughts from pouring out "You think you're so much better then everyone else! You knights! You're just a silly boy with a horse and a stick and no responsibilities at all! You think you can just storm out on your best friends and not speak to them for weeks on end with no explanation! You, You, You swan about without a care leaving utter turmoil behind you, not caring if you upset people, people who care for you more then you could ever imagine!" I wanted to carry on rampaging but Gwaine seized me by the shoulders and crushed his lips upon my own. All thoughts of anger and pain subsided and gave way to insurmountable pleasure, the say that when you kiss 'the one' it is like nothing else you can ever feel and I can say it is most certainly true. Nothing else mattered but the fact that his lips were caressing mine, his hand in my hair, one grasping my waist as if I may disappear at any minute. I followed my instincts placing one hand on his back and the other ran into his chocolate curls, forgetting of the burn until I cried out in pain as his hair slid over the angry red skin. Breathing heavily from our exertions, he leaned his forehead against my own, his eyes still closed but he sought my injured hand and cradled it in his own. "I thought you didn't want me, you were so angry with me, I thought how could I ever be good enough" I shushed him cradling him with my remaining hand, I almost laughed "I was not angry with you, I was upset and having a bad day, you just caught me off guard, showing up like that." I winced audibly as he stroked my burnt hand. "Come, we must get you to Giaus"

"Only if you promise me one thing," he nodded "Talk to me next time, I'd rather not have to burn my hand to get us talking again" He laughed and grinned like the fool he was. "Deal" he grabbed my uninjured hand and we headed off towards Giaus's chambers. "So what would you do if I showed up unannounced in your chambers, oh, say tomorrow?" he wiggled his eyebrows suggestively and I pushed him playfully with my good hand, laughing along with him.


	4. Chapter 4

**Another really short one, sorry! I had someone cancel so I had half an hour to bang out another one much to my cats displeasure but saying that I hope you enjoy it :)**

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**Don't own**

**Don't Sue**

**Thank you:)**

Being with Gwaine was like waking up in the morning and seeing the sun, it simply was there, it was so natural that no one thought to question it or gossip about it, it just simply was.

It was the laughter that echoed down the corridor when we snuck a kiss in the hidden depths whilst between duties or the red flowers that would appear on my pillow. The times he would sweep me off my feet for sheer joy of seeing each other again. It came as easily as breathing, it was without fault, without fear but with that exhilarating rush of love that only one person in your lifetime can bring to you. The skipped heart beats from chaste kisses, the heavy breathing from a frolic in the hay barn and the glances across the table at the tavern, the knowing look in the eye that you are theirs and theirs only. Despite all our frolicking and lustful touches Gwaine was a man of honour and wanted to leave certain activities till marriage vows had been taken. We never openly discussed the subject but it just seemed inevitable that things would lead that way.

Winter had fully taken hold of the castle and snow lay all around, many of court women had refused to leave the bounds of the castle for fear of getting their feet wet and catching cold but not I. Gwaine had left in the early hours after spending most of the night talking and cuddling beside my fire. I set off to his chambers but they had long since been empty and so that left the training grounds and the stables. I headed to the stables first, it wasn't my favourites place in the world, don't get me wrong I love horses but I cannot ride and find the sheer power of such noble creatures enough to set me on edge, so it was with great trepidation that I entered through the large oak doors in search of my beloved. I could hear voices coming from the other side of the barn, so stepping carefully as to not step in anything and avoid the great looming heads that could quite easily knock me to the ground with one sweep. I rounded the corner and found Arthur, Gwaine and many of the other knights sitting around a small coal burner talking avidly about their adventures. I didn't want to interrupt so I retraced my steps then made a fuss of coming in the doors, it was easily done and the knights all peered in my direction, curious as to who disturbed their chatter. Gwaine came forward to greet me quickly to the jeers of his friends and I blushed greatly, he shushed them all claiming they were all jealous loudly, he reached forward and picked me up, spinning me around quickly and I squeaked in surprise. Setting me down he kissed me quickly before leading me back to the group, I had met most of them before in passing but not been introduced properly.

I merrily joined in the conversation nestled in Gwaines arms, laughing along with the others about their misadventures and heroic deeds and of course Gwaines non-stop nonsense chattering. We all laughed heartily at this and then slowly the others all excused themselves to carry about their duties or to return to their own partners. Eventually it was just the two of us sitting together, I sighed contentedly, this was all I had ever wanted. Gwaine buried his head in my neck, his stubble tickling me and I squirmed giggling at the sensation. "Oh you think that's funny do you!" He exclaimed and then blew a large raspberry on my exposed shoulder rubbing his face over as much skin as he could find, I laughed all the while, it really was a bizarre feeling. Slowly his rubbing turned to soft kisses, so gentle that I could scarcely feel them. He was such an affectionate man for all the jokes and laughter he was a really soft hearted when it came to his loved ones. I daydreamed about our future as he carried on his ministrations of my shoulders and neck, suddenly I fell sideways with a yelp, he had bitten me! I looked up at him utterly shocked. He grinned mischievously and stood offering me his hand. I stretched out my hand to take his and then when he grasped my hand I gave a swift tug and brought him to the floor besides me. He had landed face first in the hay and when he looked up, strands in his hair and around his face I couldn't help but laugh out loud. He looked shocked for a moment and then grinned wickedly and reached out to pull me to him but I was too fast, I was up and on my way through the barn laughing as I went. I ran nearly full circle with Gwaine in pursuit before I came to a stop at one of the windows, it looked out over the courtyard, fresh snow had begun falling and it looked so picturesque so perfect that I had to stop just to admire it. I had stopped a moment too long and Gwaine grabbed me around the waist once again rubbing his beard all over my bare skin making me laugh and squirm. We stood looking out over the perfect scene and I sighed deeply leaning into him, placing my hands atop his own. He questioned my thoughts and I replied, "It's just so beautiful," I stated simply

"Yes, you are" I blushed deeply at his reply and turned, burying my head in his shoulder effectively hiding my blushes. He leaned his head against mine and we swayed gently as if someone were playing music only we could hear. His soft breathing in my ear was the only melody I needed, Gwaine murmured something and I looked up at him a question on my face. "I love you" he said softly, no hint of joke or laughter in his eyes, only sincerity imploring deep into my own eyes. I opened my mouth to speak but I couldn't seem to process the words so I merely gaped at him, it wasn't until my head had truly wrapped around the words that he had just uttered that I returned them in earnest, pledging my heart and soul all to him. He let out a huge sigh, then a whoop and kissed me passionately, his own eyes swimming with pure joy, then again he picked me up and we spun and spun laughing all the while. So this was Love.


	5. Chapter 5

**Howdy, Big thank you to everyone who has favourited, story alerted and even an author alert (wowzer!) So Mahoosive thanks for that :):)**

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**Not sure if I like this one but I'm away for a couple of days from tomorrow and not sure if i'll be able to find a working pc to use but as you're all really lovely I thought i'd post it any way, hope you like it, there's another part coming up in a bit too, Enjoy!**

As winter broke and the knights started training, things quietened between us, the honeymoon period was over but in a way it was better this way, we were less like loves young dream, more enduring more eternal. We spent more time out as a couple rather then keeping our love behind closed doors as we had in winter.

With spring brought more trouble and the knights were riding out more often then ever, Merlin my ever steady friend promised to keep him safe for me but all the same I fretted and I wasn't the only one. Gwen too fretted for Arthur and we found council in each other even more because of it. Both of us serving girls who had captured the hearts of great men.

They say absence makes the heart grow fonder but really it makes those left behind weak with worry, spending their days straining to hear the hoof beats signalling their return and nights dreaming their untimely deaths. Already I have been to Giaus for sleeping aides but it does not stop the dreams, they are so life like that I feel I am there with him. Watching every stroke of his sword, feeling every beat of his heart as if it were my own, watching as he is countless out numbered by enemies and trumps adversity time and time again, he was truly the bravest, boldest knight of them all, he was so loyal that he would readily jump into any brawl to save his friends. And yet skilled as he was I still was haunted by the image of him lying face down, run through or with an arrow protruding from his chest. Recently, since we had proclaimed our love for one another I have dreamt of my father, he wielded the sword that ran Gwaine through, he stood laughing manically and I woke screaming and sobbing from these dreams. I was very alone in my part of the castle, no one would come running to save me from my dreams and no one could bring me any comfort from these images. They burned in my waking thoughts and made me hate my father with such ferocity that I felt I would be consumed by it. I had not thought of my father in the many months I had been here, just thinking of him set light to something deep inside me, something that I couldn't put out. It was driven deeply by the very real fear that one day his men would come for me and when they did their would be nothing anyone here could do, he had too many men, his defences pristine. No matter how we all wished it was not so, there was no way round this. It would always be there to haunt us. Hooves clattered across the courtyard, far too many to be a delivery, they were home. I gathered my skirts, dropping what I had been doing and ran to the nearest window, my heart in my mouth. I searched quickly through the faces of the returning, at first I couldn't see him and my heart nearly gave out but then I heard a laugh and nearly collapsed in relief, there standing next to Merlin and Arthur was Gwaine. He looked up peering around him, searching for someone, it wasn't until he caught sight of me hanging out the window did he smile and beckon for me to stay there, of course I disobeyed and guessing which way he would be going I left in pursuit. We nearly collided on the stairs, both in such a hurry to see one another and I leapt into his arms, burying myself in his shoulder, breathing him in. He laughed softly, his hands playing with my hair. It was only after I had fully assured myself that he was real did I peck him quickly on the lips. "That's it? I'm gone for nearly three weeks and all I get is a peck? I'd get a better kiss from Arthur's hor-" but he didn't get to finish his sentence as I pulled him in and kissed hard, trying to put all the emotions that have rifled through me during his absence. "Better?" I smiled breathlessly as we both took deep steadying breaths. He leaned his forehead against mine, his eyes closed "Well if that's what I get, maybe I should go away more often" he grinned playfully but I didn't take the bait.

"Well perhaps you should then people would be able to get about the palace!" Came a voice from behind us "but then again I'll have to replenish my stocks three times over trying to quell worried young things who cannot sleep" Giaus raised an eyebrow at me as he shuffled past and carried on his way. "What did he mean by that?" Gwaine looked at me but I couldn't meet his eyes. I didn't want to trouble him about my dreams; he had enough to worry about as it was. "Emmy what did he mean?" he asked again a hint of worry in his voice.

"It's nothing really, I just… it's silly really"

"What is it? I want to know"

"I just couldn't sleep that's all, just knowing you weren't their, like I said it's silly really" I laughed at myself but Gwaine didn't seem to take it.

Spring blossomed with such a beauty as I had never seen and in the long evenings we took walks hand in hand enjoying the sights, he was determined to teach me to ride but I was adamant that it was not to happen.

Yet the next day I found myself in a spare pair of trousers that had once belonged to the Lady Morgana. It was strange to be back in trousers again but not in a bad way. I walked down to the stables, desperately searching for an excuse to avoid what was to be certain humiliation but Gwaine had been too sneaky and planned for it all ahead of time.

I took a deep breath; I could do this couldn't I? Gwaine made it look so easy. Just put your foot in the stirrup, push up and swing your leg over the back. Ok 1…2…3… oh god I can't! I squeaked and all I could hear was laughter behind me, he thought this was hilarious. Finally after four attempts I had accomplished it; I was sitting, extremely high up, on a horse. It wouldn't be so bad except for the fact that it was really really high up. I squeezed my eyes shut as tight as I could. Then when after taking a few very deep breaths to calm myself, I slowly opened them. Gwaine stood beside me doubled over snickering uncontrollably. I glared down at him " Sorry, sorry" he said holding his hands up in defeat before he burst out laughing once again. I fumed at him, how dare he and I reached out my hand to swipe at the top of his head, forgetting that I was on horseback. The horse shied violently to the side before taking off at speed I shrieked loudly when it swerved and clung like a limpet to the front of the saddle. I squeezed my eyes shut and bit my lip so hard it began to bleed. I was not going to fall off, I was not going to fall off, I was not going to fall off! As that last thought entered my mind the horse stopped dead and spun around and I felt myself falling swiftly through the air straight onto the cobbled street and landed hard on my side with a dull thump, the horse spooked again at my crumpled form and fled. No bones were broken but I was winded badly and my lip was still dripping slightly from where I had been biting it. It took me a few moments to regain myself and I shook my head, people had already gathered around asking if I was ok, did I need help, I shook my head again and my hearing returned fully with it came a dull throbbing in my temple, I took another deep breath and assuring people that I was fine, I gingerly stood. I wiped my hand over my lip to find it had finally stopped bleeding and slowly made my way back in the direction I had come limping slightly from the soreness in my side. I had not taken fifty steps before Gwaine came thundering along calling out my name, searching the crowds, I raised my hand sheepishly and waved at him through the crowds. He ran through the crowds to me and stopped, looked me up and down and then pulled me into a strong embrace, kissing my hair and any part he could reach. He finally let go and tried to make a joke about it all when I swiftly slapped him upside the head, I wasn't too cross with him really but I wasn't going to let him know that, he laughed at my gesture until he took one look at my livid face and gulped. He smiled sheepishly at me, before attempting to apologise, he was trying to say it was all my fault but he knew if he came outright and said it I would blow my top at him. I just shook my head at him and began walking back to the castle.

By the time we had reached the castle we were both joking about it and he had vowed never to let me on a horse on my own ever again, to which I heartily agreed, I did not fancy a repeat of that particular experience ever again.


	6. Chapter 6

**This one is really really teensy weeny tiny but I don't have time to write out the second half so you'll just have to make do with it for now, sorry :(**

**Anyway I don't own, please don't sue, thank you:)**

By the time summer had arrived and the coldness of spring had left the air Camelot was a beautiful place. The warmth from the ever-present sun made everything just appear that much better. Despite the beauty of the day when Gwaine was away it did not stop the dreams. I dreamt ever more frequently of seeing my father run Gwaine through or throw him from his horse and for him to never get up. To see his head on a pike on my fathers wall or him lying face down, arrows strewn across his back and despite Giaus's best work they still came.

The increasing lack of sleep meant that my immune system was running extremely low, I lost increasing amounts of weight and was one day found lying on the floor of a corridor unconscious. I had a high fever, an irritable cough, dry throat and no appetite. I was weak and could not get around unaided. Giaus had prescribed rest but I could not. I battled on as best I could with my work but as the days progressed I could barely sit up let alone sew. Arthur and the knights had been gone for nearly a month and were due back any day now. I had been moved down to Giaus's chambers to lie in the cot I had laid in when I had first arrived, I had lain here dying then. The way I felt now too suggested to me that I might well die here. It was strange to think that this bed had helped heal me and now was where I would lay to rest. I felt old and every pore of my bed ached, Giaus and Gwen sat with me when they could, helping me to keep hydrated but I could not stomach much in the way of food. Giaus kept trying herbs after herbs but nothing seemed to lift the fever. The dreams now came not only when I was asleep but I began to see images of my father in my waking moments too. He crept in the shadows waiting, biding time until he struck.

When the knights returned Gwen ran out to meet them as was her custom now but it was not Arthur she turned too first, it was to Gwaine. She delivered the news of my ill health to him and his face plummeted, he dropped his horse's reins and fled the courtyard. Gwaine burst through the doorway and stopped for a moment, disbelief on his face. He stumbled forward and kneeled by my bedside, close to tears. I could turn my head but a little and saw him kneeling there, praying. I wanted to reach out and bring him to me, to curl myself up in his arms as I had done so many times before but my body betrayed my need and stayed still. I croaked out his name and he looked up his eyes wet with tears, shaking he reached out and held my hand to his face cradling it gently, I smiled up at him, a few tears in my eyes, I was so relieved that he was here, it meant the dreams would stop and that I could rest without fear. He vowed desperately that he would never leave my side ever again and I let a sigh escape my lips. Then without fighting it I let sleep overtake me.


	7. Chapter 7

**Kinda short again, sorry! I hope you like it. Thank you to everyone who has story alerted and favourited :)**

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**Not sure when i'll be able to get part 8 up and running, so please stick with me, **

**Speckleification  
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It took many weeks for me to regain my strength. I think in a way I had convinced myself that if I was ill, Gwaine would not leave me and when he stayed my dreams abated slightly. Arthur sympathised with Gwaine, he too if Guinevere lay ill would want to be by her side.

When the gentle winds of autumn started blowing through they brought with it a slight chill and I was confined to the castle on Gwaines orders. He had had a special shawl made for me comprised of all my favourite colours and I was rarely seen without it. Gwaine still trained with the knights but he refused to leave on a quest until he was sure that I was fully well.

I stood looking out from my window, watching the sunset, all the reds and oranges blending into the dusky blues and greens of the forest. It was breath taking. It was so special living here in Camelot, it was a dream come true, more then a dream. I had never dreamed that I could ever be so happy, so content and safe in my surroundings and in my own self. A chill wind blew through my window and shuddering I pulled my shawl tighter about myself and reluctantly closed the window. A pair of arms snaked themselves around my waist and for a moment I froze then when a prickly chin joined it I smiled and relaxed into him. My knight in shining armour. He huffed loudly and I chuckled slightly, turning in his arms to look up at him. He looked troubled so I asked what was on his mind. He mumbled something about troublesome people but I didn't catch anymore because his mouth had started it's ministrations on my exposed shoulder, he knew exactly how to make me weak at the knees and I snaked my arms around his shoulders trying to keep myself up right. My eyes rolled back into my head and my breathing hitched as he hit a certain spot and I could feel him smile against my neck, he knew exactly what effect he had on me and was using it to his full advantage. I tugged gently on his hair and brought his mouth to mine, his hands following the path that his mouth had just been following as mine tangled into his hair, holding him close to me. His hands travelled down my sides, his thumbs gently grazing the sides of my breasts and then flowed down to the middle of my back where he pulled me even closer to him, I hadn't thought it possible to be any closer but my body was yearning to be even closer to him, to mould into him in every way possible and without thinking I pushed myself into him with such force that he rocked slightly where he was standing and a slight growl escaped his throat, it was an almost primal sound. Just that simple sound drove me crazy and after breaking for air I kissed him with a renewed vigour. I couldn't think of anything except the sensations that coursed through me, I was in complete submission to my desires. Gwaine pulled away, our breathing heavy and I pouted slightly at the loss of contact. He grinned wolfishly, explaining that I was wearing away his resolve very quickly and he would soon loose control if we carried on further. I protested that I certainly didn't mind if fact I think I wanted him to loose control, I wanted to give myself to this man, to give every part of myself to him. But despite my protest he kissed me quickly on the cheek, his forehead rested briefly against mine before he left quietly and left to return to his chambers.

After a few minutes I managed to calm my breathing down and dressed myself for bed and settled down for the night. Normally my dreams were calmer now that Gwaine was around but tonight was much different.

I wandered across a large open field, completely alone; there was nothing, not a calming breeze nor bird song. It was eerily quiet, but for some reason it did not upset me. I continued forward my feet barely making a sound in the lush grass. The sky above me was such a dazzling blue that I could stare at it all day but for some reason I wanted to keep pressing forward. As I progressed onwards I could see deep in the horizon what on first glance appeared to be a forest but as I got closer what I saw made my throat tighten in fear. It was a huge army of men, surging forward. But they weren't just any men; it was my father's army. I wanted to turn and run to run to Camelot and warn everyone but I couldn't do anything except keep moving forward, I was stuck in my mission to surge forth toward the army no matter how hard I fought, I screamed out in anguish, crying out for it to stop for it all to disappear but my words went unheard. The army still progress onwards as I continue forward, unable to stop my feet from moving. The men were now level with me and I tried to scream out and hit them, to disturb them or their horses but my hands ran straight through them, I was dreaming, no, this was no dream, this was a nightmare. I screamed again in anguish as my feet stopped, I tried to turn to see them reach their destination but I was stuck looking forward. To the back of the army came my father on his steed and with him his two advisors. They were close enough now that I could see their faces clearly and I hated the sight of them. "Get the girl, unharmed," Said his first advisor who sat atop a dark bay horse "Kill the rest" I screamed out at them again, trying to kick and plunge forward and strike them down, I felt a pair of arms wrap around me and I screamed even louder, striking out at whatever was holding me. The captor was saying my name over and over again, but they weren't angry or edged with hate, it was said softly over and over again "Emmy, Emmy, come back to me, come on, come back Emmy" cooing over and over again and gradually the scene before me faded and I blinked hard, where was I? Then it hit me I was in my bed and Gwaine, Gwen and Merlin stood looking worriedly down at me. I took a few deep breaths, trying to calm myself. I felt guilty, I had woken so many people up. I apologised, explaining it was just a bad dream, again apologising for waking so many. After a brief if somewhat vague explanation of my nightmare, the group disbanded leaving Gwaine and Gwen in my room. "I'll stay with her tonight, thank you Gwen, you were a real help" Gwaine said with a sigh.

"Oh no you wont, I'll stay with her and you will go back to your chambers." She fixed Gwaine with a stern look and with a quick glance at me, I nodded telling him it was ok and he quickly stooped kissing my forehead and squeezing my forearm and departed back to his chambers. Gwen then turned her stern look in my direction and I shrunk under her gaze. I explained my whole dream to her, she soothed my fears to a point but a small fear still festered, lingering in the back of my mind. Changing the subject we joked and chatted till the early hours till I was exhausted and slept dreamlessly.


	8. Chapter 8

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Night after night I had the same horrific dream and night after night Gwen came and stayed with me but it still didn't stop them coming. Slowly the chill airs of the end of autumn came through, winter was approaching. The knights trained hard and it pained me that they all rode out frequently. Arthur had made a deal with Gwaine and myself, Gwaine had to come on short treks ones that were to last less then a week, he couldn't afford to not have him with his knights. Reluctantly we agreed, it was a compromise but inside I could see it eating him in a way when the knights rode off without him. I know he loved me but there was a fire, a passion that he could not control, he was so loyal to me and to the knights that it was tearing him in two. He would snap about silly little things. We would row violently about who had to pay the tavern bill or who was the last person who sorted out dinner. So many days did we come close to breaking point only to surge back again. I felt wrapped in Gwaines insufferable wave of emotion.

I had no one to speak about it even Gwen was snappy sometimes, she was in a way jealous that Gwaine was allowed to stay and yet Arthur still rode relentlessly, no matter how she pleaded. I felt for her I really did, she continually supported me through my nightmares without a word but it was taking its toll on her too, dark circles had begun to form under her eyes until one day she finally snapped, "You're a grown woman for gods sake you can deal with your own nightmares, like the rest of us have to!" She left promptly after that and I admit I felt terribly guilty, I was being selfish. Not seeing the bigger picture only seeing myself. This guilt was eating up inside me and now Gwaine and I rowed about my lack of interest. Things got even worse as the day Arthur was supposed to return came and passed. As each day ticked past, every hour even, we all fretted, anxious and worried. Stressed out with each other. Gwaine couldn't drink; Gwen couldn't stand anyone's company and sought refuge by herself. We had stood at the top tower watching the horizon for any sign of Arthur, or rather Gwaine watched and I tried to surmount the guilt that heavied my heart. I sighed loudly and he reached out for me but I did not see it, my mind preoccupied. Gwaine must have frowned at me and went to physically take my chin so had could look me in the eye but he caught me off guard and I gasped loudly and evaded his touch. He looked down at me, his brow furrowed. His eyes searching but I could not meet them, my guilt was building up in my throat and I dry swallowed trying to ease the pain. "So it's true," He said softly, this broke my reverie and I looked up at him questioning him. "I thought the men were just jesting, how stupid was I?" His voice grew louder with every word. "Such a fool to think, to think that you ever would have looked at me" He was shaking his head in anger, his fists clenched. "How long? Did you ever even? I mean was it just a ploy so you could stay?" I made to question him to find out what he talking about but he silenced me with a shout, I was beginning to feel a little scared. "How could you!" He bore down on me, pressing down till I had my back against the wall. "All an act was it?" He spat his words " Did you ever feel anything? Huh?" He put his hands either side of my head, anger and hurt radiating off every fibre of him "How dare you make a fool of me! To think that I loved you!" He pushed off from the wall and tears swam down my face. He turned back, still glowering and pointed straight at me, his hand shaking ever so slightly "Not anymore, no, you are nothing to me!" He turned on heel and fled and I collapsed against the wall. His words had hit straight into my heart, breaking it in to thousands of pieces. I slid down the wall and curled into the foetal position and wept.

I don't know how long I cried but a loud trumpet and the sound of fast approaching hooves woke me. "Arthur" I whispered. I quickly composed myself and set off for the courtyard. I didn't get tot the courtyard before I was summoned to the throne room, so quickly spinning on heel I trotted in the other direction. I waited to be announced before entering, Arthur, Gwen and the knights were surrounding a table covered in maps, they were all dishevelled, their clothes dirty and their faces fatigued. The air grew cold and still as I approached them, not one of them had a smile to offer or a kind gesture. This was not good, Arthur looked up, his face grim "You'd best sit down" he said gently, I sat hurriedly in the nearest seat, my knuckles white as I gripped the arms of the chair. I looked up worriedly, this could not be good, Gwen stood beside Arthur, her hand on his shoulder and I looked up at her, her eyes were shining with tears and I felt my mouth drop open "No." I looked to Arthur, looking for reassurance but he did not meet my eye, Gwen gently squeezed his shoulder. I looked again at each of the knights, none of which would meet my eyes. "Arthur please, tell me it's not true." I whispered up at him, he shook his head and his voice caught in his throat as he spoke

"I'm sorry, we saw them on the eastern borders, they'll be here by sundown three days from now." He paused, his eyes searching through the unknown. "It's an army with one purpose, the size of which I've never seen" He paused again. "I'm so sorry" His voice caught again and he put his hand over his mouth. Merlin put a hand on his shoulder, steadying his friend. I nodded slowly; it took a while to tick it over in my mind, we had known this would happen one day. Just not today. I had a decision to make, I knew in my mind what was right but I needed to know it was right for everyone. I took a long hard look at the knight standing on Arthur left and just the sight of him gave me the answer I needed.


	9. Chapter 9

**Thank you so much for your wonderful review, I hope this chapters clears up a few things for you,**

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**I'm not sure if it's my best but meh, it's probably not my worst either, thanks to all those who watch/favourite too :)  
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**Happy Holidays to all you out there!**

Gwaine had spent that morning in the tavern, not drinking for once but consoling himself with other men, Emmy had been so distant lately and without the other knights to discuss matters he turned to the regulars of the tavern. He was worried what was wrong but couldn't come out right and ask her, she was so fragile and he worried that it would send her into a downward spiral, her health was still yet back to normal and her pale skin seemed almost translucent in the morning light when he greeted her for breakfast.

The men in the tavern were all past their prime and had been married successfully for a long time, when he expressed his concerns and the change in her affections they all came to one conclusion that she was clearly going off him but couldn't bring herself to tell him. All the comments bore down on his mind and the more he looked the more he picked at the scene imagining life without her, how much it hurt to think that she really didn't care for him anymore, maybe it was just a ploy to get Arthur to let her stay in Camelot, not that he'd tell her but he had pleaded with Arthur to let her stay in the castle because he felt such a pull to her that he had never experienced before. But was that still there? He wanted so hard to look at her and find her looking back at him the way she used to, her eyes shone with such a ferociously brilliant light that it was so hard to keep himself from looking at them all day long, but lately there was nothing, no shining light, no intensity, she was there in body but her spirit was somewhere else.

It was that fire that had drawn him to her in the first place, that blaze that sat behind those worn eyes, when they first met he had thought to himself if only he could find himself a woman with that kind of spirit and he had, for it was only hours later when he realized that the small boy before them was actually a young woman. He had set his heart on hers from that moment on, if he could harness that fire without getting burned he felt that he would never have to be alone, it was all that he dreamt of that night and then to find her lying near death on the road he had been devastated, he did all in his power to get her to Giaus so he could bring her back and to see that sacred sparkle, he was the only one that noticed it and to him that was all that matter, maybe he thought she only sparkled from him and if that was the case then his world would end in sheer bliss, for to have those eyes to look on every day, those lips to be his for the taking and that body one day to be all his own he could die a happy man, for he would know that nothing else could compare to her.

To now find himself without that sparkle, he was devastated, perhaps she sparkled for someone else and the thought rooted deep inside him, it hit a raw nerve that he nearly forgotten. He was so angry with himself for thinking it but when she had been scared by his touch and sought to flee it and then, looking at her, there was nothing, not even a glimmer of what used to be and it wound up inside him, eating away, thoughts of her laughing at him filled his head so he had to have it out of her and he shouted, he let his own insecurity take over and if that wasn't bad enough, he had scared her, she had looked at him with those big round eyes and all he saw reflected in them was a monster. How could he ever look at her again when he had behaved so badly. It was decided in that look, although it would tear his heart apart and crush it to pieces, he would never allow himself to look at her again, to make her laugh, to hear that little lisp when she was excited, to feel the curve of her body next to his when he held her, or to smell that sweet vanilla of her hair, the texture of it smoothing against his chin, it would all just have to be a dream from now on.

I packed slowly, my mind not really focused on the task at hand, it wasn't until I realised I was trying to pack a lamp did I stop for a moment and reflect on all that happened here. A sense of grief and loneliness swept over me and I let out a great sob, no tears fell just the sheer sobs wretched through my body, my breath coming in gasps and my eyes screwed tight from the pain, I put a clenched fist to my chest in an attempt to ease the pain but it only grew worse, it was then that I realised that the pain wasn't coming from my lungs it was coming from my heart, my heart was breaking. It took a good few moments for the pain to subside to only an ache and there it settled. I knew I was doing the right thing for all the people that lived here, my own broken heart was surely a small price to pay. If Gwaine thought that perhaps I never loved him then it would be easier this was and he could hate me in peace, if ever a thing should exist. It had only been hours since I had left the council meeting but it felt like days, I hadn't given Arthur any hint to what I would do but he was prepared to fight for me that I knew, the certainty or Camelot being crushed was well a hundred percent, really no chance of survival.

I hastily stuffed a few more tunics into my pack and was surprised to find Gwen's hand passing me the last one. I looked up her arm slowly, running through what I should say to her, all the apologies I wanted to make all the thins we should have done but when I met her gaze her eyes were shining with unshed tears. I opened my mouth to speak but she flung herself at me and let loose the tears swiftly. She cried hard and a wet patch soon formed on my clothing but I cared not, I hushed and rocked her like a small child and after a while he cries quietened. With a seemingly unspoken agreement not to discuss it she helped me finish packing, we laughed at silly little things as if I were merely going out hunting for a few days in the forest.

Merlin soon joined us he had come up with a master plan to hide me but I laughed at him, seeing all to well that he was serious. I thanked him for all his kind words and everything he had done for me and kissed him on each cheek, he blushed maroon right to the tips of his ears and myself and Gwen laughed heartedly at it.

I had soon finished packing and gave a final look about the room, "I was hoping I would call this place my home, forever but now I see it was all but a dream" Gwen soon started crying again and I felt a serene calmness, I was doing the right thing, seeing these two it made all the difference to know that by doing so I spared there lives.

On my way out to the grounds we passed Arthur, he was at first too frayed and flustered to notice much but when he saw my small pack and travelling cloak he stopped at took a moment "Where are you going? You don't have to do this! I swore to protect you! Camelot is your home, I swore to you that day that I would do whatever it took to protect you and I intend to uphold it" Arthur's rant would have been much longer winded had Gwen not intervened, she was getting upset by it all and had started crying again, I gave her a small smile. "I know you would, Arthur Pendragon for you are a truly honourable man, I would have stayed here till the end of my days but life does not wish it to be so. I will not risk the lives of so many over my own and my mind has been made up, nothing and no one will change it, I apologise for all the grief and I wish you and Guinevere all the happiness that this life can bring you and the next, may peace live in your heart and the hearts of those around you, Farewell my friends." And I turned, took a deep breath and holding my head held high set forth from Camelot.


	10. Chapter 10

**Hey there everyone, so glad you could on me with this little journey, this is the last chapter of this story. :( I have had such a fun time on our short adventure and I hope you have too, I have plans for a sequel so keep a weather eye on the horizon.**

**Thank you so much once again**

**Enjoy  
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**Don't own Don't sue Thank you :)**

My, the air was fresh today, it burned with a slow chill down my windpipe but it was a satisfying burn. The type that made you feel glad to be alive, to savour that moment. Until of course you trip on a small rock and twist your ankle, I paused cursing and after flexing it a few times carried on my way, pulling my pack strings just a little tighter.

The knights were all gathered in the armoury, they were sorting their armour and chatting nonchalantly. Gwaine skulked gloomily in the corner, he didn't want to join in their childish talks, everything brought him pain, the fierce ache in his chest was enough to dampen any form of feeling other then that of great pain, he had had slices and stitches and various burns and wounds but nothing compared to this.

The knight's talk soon changed tone and even Gwaine in his stupor noticed the change in the air, it was more subdued, sombre even. They were all reminiscing about someone or something, Gwaine hadn't the heart to listen in; his was somewhere up in one of the keeps, fritting her life away with someone else. A bitter taste came to his mouth as he thought of this, he wanted to be sick, he was sick with love, he shuddered a little and wrapped his arms around himself, shrugging off the feeling.

A sudden movement out of the corner of his eye caught him off guard before Gwen collided with him, she was crying heartily, Arthur too came through the doorway soon afterwards, his face pale and drawn. He looked at Gwaine and apologised, looking dead at him, "I cannot know what you are feeling, nor would I wish it upon any enemy, to have to loose the one they love in such a manner, you are truly the bravest man I know" he nodded his head again in recognition. "Men, one of our own, one of Camelot's own has done such a brave deed for all our people, she has gone back into the hands of her former captor without question for all our sakes, I cannot say how much it pains my heart to watch it happen, I wish with all my heart that it wasn't so, that we had been able to do more to save her but it was her wish to do so and I think we should all honour her now, our friend, and lest not her sacrifice be in vain, gone though she is from our lives, she will never be gone from our hearts, to Em" Gwen's tears ran silent now as she joined in with Arthur, saying that name in recognition. As all the surrounding knights bowed their heads and echoed her name Gwaine finally came to his senses. Without a word, he fled the room and top speed, straight to the nearest window and all through the lower town could they hear him crying her name with such a force that many ran to see the cause for alarm. Catching sight of a lone figure in the field not far from Camelot's walls he fled, his love giving him wings of speed that he didn't know he could possess, screaming out to her as he ran.

I was nearly two thirds of the way across the fields before I heard his call. I felt that I was dreaming and shook my head, pinching my arm to try and wake myself up. But the voice still called, it was not a terrible voice that taunted me as I edged towards my doom but a voice that had called my name so many times before, a voice that I would do anything for but not today. I could hear the desperation in his tone, I feel my heart calling out to him, telling me to turn and run right into his arms and that he would make everything alright but that wasn't my task. I squared my shoulders, reminding myself I had a job to do and took another step forward, but it was just the one. I faltered again teetering upon the edge but I wasn't waiting long for he soon caught me up. His hand placed upon my shoulder as he braced himself, his breath coming in such gasps that it was hard to make it all out. I questioned him and then turned to leave, telling him I must go, that I shouldn't stay no matter how much I wanted to be with him forever. "You want to be with my forever?" He asked his brow furrowed

"Of course I do, it's all I've ever wanted since we first met, how could I ever want anything else when I had you in my life but I – I- I can't, We can't" Tears spilt over so fast that I didn't even know they were there. "If I stay we'll all die but if I go, you have to chance to be happy-"

"How can I be happy knowing you're not, how can I be happy knowing that you're not here with me, how can I-"

"-because you have to, you have a chance to move on-"

"- but I don't want to move on-"

"-to live a full life-"

"-life is only full with you in it-"

"-to settle down, have a house-"

"- I don't want a house without you-"

"-and children and a, and a-"

"-and a…?"

"Wife."

"Then marry me-"

"-What?"

"Marry me, right here, right now, I'll even get down on bended knee if you want" There was that cocky grin. The grin I couldn't resist, the one that reached all the way up to the corner of the bottomless pits they called eyes, they sucked you in with a single glance and never let you out again, so full of hope, how could I ever leave him. I closed my eyes just for a moment and an image flashed through before them, that image gave me the answer I needed. I embraced him tightly, breathing him in. "I love you Gwaine, don't ever forget that, if things were different I would say yes within a heartbeat but today I have to think of others, sometimes-" And sharply I brought my knee up to his groin and he fell to the floor in tears curled up nursing himself. "Sometimes I have to do what's right for everybody, I'm sorry, I'm so so sorry" and with tears streaming from my eyes I set off at a dead sprint towards my fathers army. Sometimes you do really have to do what's right, even if it's not right for you, it can be right for a lot more people then you might think.


	11. Chapter 11

Sequel is now starting up - take a look out for Second Chances, Second Glances


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